You are not imagining it. In fact, the challenges of dating for women over 40 are so specific that getting good advice is essential to find love with less pain, pain and confusion. (Fact: More than a third of Americans over 40 are single, and more than 25 million of them are women.)
As part of the category of more than 40 daters, the same dating advice that works for 20 something is not always the same advice you are looking for. Therefore:
As a woman over 40, her main goal is not necessarily to get married and have children. It is possible that you have already been married, that you already have children, or perhaps neither is true; But one of them could be a no-problem.
The dating game has changed significantly since you got out in your twenties. Sexting Internet dating. Speed Encounters Even the pairing. All are viable alternatives in the 21st century. If you don’t know how to use these tools or have the belief that only “losers” would use them, you could drastically sabotage your success.
You are not sure who to go to at age 40. Is it appropriate to date 30-year-old men? What if you feel that you are not attracted to the men of the sixties, the exact men who could chase you more online? Is it essential to find someone who is exactly your age and can recite rows of Gilligan Island right next to you?
What are the goals of your relationship? Are you trying to get married? You want to have children? Are you looking for a serious relationship with Mr. Material Boyfriend?
Whatever your concern, here are the keys to our advice for women over 40 in three short but sweet tips!
1. Use your dating experience appropriately.
If you have recently gone through a messy divorce or had several long-term relationships and are ready for a relationship, you probably have some (if not much) dating experience. As a dater who is over 40 years of age, you want to make sure that you do not “lose” any of this energy or knowledge, negative or not, in the new relationships you are in.
It’s okay to remember the things you’ve learned in past relationships, but it might be a good idea to consult with a dating coach to make sure you take the right things with you! Avoid making assumptions like “It happened first and then it has to happen again” can affect all your appointments if you are not armed with a clean slate before jumping into the dating pool.
Did your friends encourage you to join that online dating site? Well guess what? One in four people who have a committed or married relationship have met other important people on an online dating site.
Remember that there are a lot of men ready for the relationship who will be interested in you, but first you have to meet them! Attending a Meetup, starting a new fitness routine or creating an online dating site profile are really great ways to meet great men. Go out to a bar every Saturday night? It’s not that good, so get active online and off.
3. Be honest about what you are looking for.
Hopefully you don’t find yourself saying things like “There are no good men out there.” But if you find yourself heading down that path, immediately go in the opposite direction. There are so many great guys out there!
Because of the multitude of extraordinary men who hope to meet you, you don’t find yourself committing someone you think is “good enough.” If someone does not meet your needs and you have communicated openly about what those healthy needs are, go ahead.
Across the spectrum, having a list of things you’re looking for in a man is great. But make sure you don’t check people on your potential list because they lack something like “dressing well all the time” or “cooking like a gourmet chef.” Ultimately, getting stuck in the “lack” mentality will make you feel unauthorized and stuck.
Remember, once you feel safe and know that you are worthy of an extraordinary man, extraordinary men will be magnetized for you. Paradoxically, when you think you have to conform, you attract men who you think are “good enough.” Get out of this vicious circle and dig deep to find your “incredible interior” so you can get exactly what you want for love in your forties.
The most important advice for women over 40 is this: remember to have fun. You know what you want, you know yourself, and you know what you are looking for in a partner.